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Jul

31

Property Values Surge in Homeless Camps

July 31, 2007 | by Fritz | No Comments

“I plan on flipping this puppy and move to Russian Hill.” Homeless man Sal Kirby said

by Fritz

San Francisco- Homeless Camps value skyrocketed Monday in city parks everywhere as a rush of homeless are scooping up what remaining. Some camps in Golden Gate Park costing up to double the amount leaving realtors and brokers alike wondering what this could mean for the market. Read more

Jul

30

Nob Hill Woke Up Alarmed!- Local Man Sleeps through Alarm

July 30, 2007 | by Fritz | No Comments

“I just didn’t hear it.” Lance Huffman said.

by Fritz

San Francisco- Lance Huffman from Nob Hill was reported to have slept right through his alarm this morning causing a shock wave of concern throughout the apartment building as well as making him late to work.

“I thought he was dead!” Miss Mary Weatherbee from the upstairs apartment said. “That’s when I alerted Read more

Jul

27

Local Woman Giving Into “Cat Lady” Status

July 27, 2007 | by Fritz | No Comments

“She got the talent for it.” Robert (The Nerd) Burnbaum said

by Fritz

San Francisco- Neighbors in the Outer Sunset district reported Thursday that Edith Yam has increased her status to “Cat Lady” as she has now over 7 cats purring around the house and yard. This new status moving up from “Cookie Lady” that the kids had dubbed her a year prior for her afternoon cookie giveaways. Read more

Jul

26

Local Man Short Changed

July 26, 2007 | by Ryan C | No Comments

Contributed to Crooked Street Press by Ryan Curtis

Dave Covalt
Owner
Izzy’s

Dear Mr. Covalt:
I am writing to inform you about a tragic event that took place in
your restaurant on the evening of June the twenty third.
After nearly three thousand miles and over a week in the car, I found
myself standing travel-worn on the threshold of Izzy’s. Having
eaten no more than convience store snacks for three states, the
prospects of an all you can eat buffet for less than ten dollars had
me and my traveling partner (my cousin) giddy. Read more

Jul

25

Local Man Goes Missing After Biting Off More Than He Could Chew

July 25, 2007 | by Sam G | No Comments

Contributed to Crooked Street Press by Sam Goldsmith

San Francisco- A calm has finally settled over the inner Richmond district after a
truly chaotic afternoon. The barricades are down and the crowds have
thinned.

In what many consider the most unnatural of phenomenea, there are
a flood of questions regarding the sudden disappearance of retired
appliance salesman and long-time San Franciscan, Buddy Katz. There’s
no denying the gravity of what may very well be the first recorded
incident of a man devoured by his own sandwich. Read more

Jul

24

Marin Day Schools to Assume Control of San Francisco City Council

July 24, 2007 | by Dan | 1 Comment

by Dan Wheeler

San Francisco — In an unexpected decision by Northern District Court Judge Bruce Oswold, San Francisco City Council will come under the control of Marin Day Care Center. The decision came after the latest bout of hair pulling and name-calling between Supervisor Chris Daly and Bevan Dufty. Mr. Dufty’s parents were so angry at the abuse of their son that they went to federal court for protection. Read more

Jul

23

Local Man’s Attempt To Cry a River Failed

July 23, 2007 | by Fritz | No Comments

“He gave it a good run, but as always he came up short.” Clyde Duff said.

by Fritz

San Francisco- Clyde Duff (29) and Joe Stevenson (30) reportedly got
into a bit of scuffle on Sunday with each other over the mysterious
late word change to one of Stevenson’s words in what supposed to have
been a friendly game of Scrabble. The word in question had been put
down by Stevenson earlier in the game but later it had been pointed
out by Duff that he had missed the triple word score by coming up
short by two letters. Stevenson, by friends and families Read more

Jul

20

Diarrhea and Other Ways to Enjoy a Day Off

July 20, 2007 | by Ryan C | 1 Comment

Contributed to Crooked Street Press by Ryan Curtis

There is nothing quite so wondrous as a day off. Except perhaps for
the sort of day off when you vow to do nothing more than lay about in
a form of catatonic lavishness. Thursday was just such a day. After
sleeping in much later than parental duties would normally allow and
then soaking in a steaming shower until all of the hot water Read more

Jul

19

Local Man Opens E-mail and Has No New Messages

July 19, 2007 | by Fritz | No Comments

“Well I guess I know where I stand.” Robert Smith said

by Fritz

San Francisco- Robert Smith from Nob Hill opened his e-mail Wednesday and found that he had no new messages in his inbox. Witnesses say that Smith was fairly devastated by the news and didn’t take it very well. They said that Smith resorted to sorting through old spam e-mails left in the junk folder and sorting them by subject matter. Read more

Jul

18

Website Contact: Finding the Good Stuff on TV

July 18, 2007 | by Sam G | 1 Comment

contributed to Crooked Street Press by Sam Goldsmith

There are a few people who consider television the low tide of our
culture. I read recently that Jamie Lee Curtis proudly declared that
she’d never seen an episode of Friends or Cheers or any of the other
shared television experiences now considered classics. It was only by
accident that she caught a few minutes of Bravo’s Top Chef Read more


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