Nov
3
Co-Editor Cries Like a Baby
November 3, 2006 | Leave a Comment
Mom Says, “He’s always been a sissy.”
by Fritz
SAN FRANCISCO- Crooked Street Press co-editor cried like a baby Monday after a dispute at the office over the flavor of coffee. Witnesses say Dan Wheeler started stomping around and sobbing uncontrollably after co-editor Fritz and other associates voted to brew French Roasted
blend of coffee instead of Wheeler’s apparent “favorite” Irish Cream blend.
“I’ve never seen anything like it. He absolutely threw a tantrum.” Gloria Sanchez said. Sanchez had come to work as an Administrative Assistant for Wheeler at Crooked Street Press at its headquarters on the 3rd floor at Polk and Bush.
Witnesses say that Wheeler came into the office after the vote had already taken place. He tasted the coffee and then convulsed violently spitting up the French Roast all over the carpet. He then yelped out, “Aw…you guys know I don’t like French Roast!” He only started crying after Fritz gently told him that he would have to suck it up and deal with it.
“He changes his favorite like every week.” Jason Billings a sales associate said. “Plus how hard is it to brew another pot of coffee? It takes like 5 minutes.”
“I don’t think as an editor of a major news website he should behave like that.” said Sarah Wilcox, head of Public Relations. “I mean show some maturity.”
Wheeler was not available for comment, but a spokesman said that he has decided to take a sabbatical to his California home most likely to go on a eating binge just like he did last time.
Wheeler’s mom, Freda Wheeler, was eager to comment on the event saying, “He’s always been a sissy. He used to wet his pants every time I didn’t cut the sandwich diagonally. Off the record….I wish I’d never had him.”
Fritz, co-editor with Wheeler indicated to the press that he’s grown numb to Wheeler’s whining. He went on to say, “Does anyone want to buy my share of the Crooked Street Press? I’m sick of this crap.”
