Jun
30
Federal Judge Puts a Cap On Prison Population
June 30, 2007 | 1 Comment
“I say send them to Australia!” -Judge Carl Jenkins
by Fritz
Sacramento- A small group of federal judges got together Thursday to discuss long range plans to put a cap on the prison population ordering the migration of thousands of prisoners to be shipped over to Australia. Read more
Jun
29
Don’t Look Now iPhone! You Got Competition
June 29, 2007 | Leave a Comment
“I think people will buy it cause it has a sexy joystick.” -Wanda Sams Atari spokeswoman
by Fritz
Cupertino- Many will say that the launch of Atari’s new cell phone is a little bit mistimed since Atari plans on beginning the sale of its new cell phone called “Porta-phone” on the exact same day as Apple’s iPhone is scheduled to launch. But Wanda Sams says that Atari stands by its decision and think’s that it will be able to compete. Read more
Jun
28
Contributed By Kurt Schumacher
San Francisco- Recent rumors of a schism within the Church Of Global Warming,
between the “Pro-Human” and “Humans are the Root of all Evil and Must
Voluntary Die” camps, have been downplayed by church leaders. But
there have been rumblings of some kind of disturbance within the
group. This reporter smelled a story and contacted the church Read more
Jun
27
Oakland City Council to Stop Using Plastic
June 27, 2007 | Leave a Comment
“Paper or Paper?” Brett Price a bagger from Buy and Spend Grocery store
by Fritz
Oakland- Tuesday a Oakland City Council committee voted to pass a measure that would ban plastic bags from retailers and grocery stores. This measure was sponsored by Councilwomen Nancy Nadel and Jean Quan who had copied San Francisco in an attempt to be “cool.”
The ban, once voted in, will force retailers that do more than $1 million Read more
Jun
27
Catapult Cartoon
June 27, 2007 | Leave a Comment
Jun
27
Editorial
Fans of the Bay Area’s most popular literary publication can rest easy. From Mr. Wheeler at the very highest levels of management down to the lowly cartoon staff, Crooked Street Management can confirm that we are not considering a $2,400,000,000 buyout offer from Rupert Murdoch’s News Corp. That would be an offer of about $100,000,000 per Read more
Jun
26
Garlic Fries Incriminate Local Man
June 26, 2007 | Leave a Comment
San Francisco Intolerance Crackdown Snares the Innocent
Contributed to Crooked Street Press by Michael Breen
It all began after local journalist Ned Sanbourne had just finished his second helping of Garlic Fries at a Sunday’s Giants game. “My face just grew contorted,” said Ned. “And I happened to be looking in the direction of some dude. I guess he was the one that filed the charges.” Read more
Jun
26
Cat Show Cartoon
June 26, 2007 | Leave a Comment
Jun
26
Ed Jew Doesn’t Show the Press His Flower Shop Shower Due to Soap Scum
June 26, 2007 | Leave a Comment
“The cleaning crew has been out sick.” Ed Jew
by Fritz
San Francisco- Ed Jew canceled the press conference that was to be held in his bath tub at his Chinatown flower shop Friday due to soap scum.
After promising to the media that everyone was welcome to have a tour and ask questions while he showered at what he told the FBI and the district attorney’s office was a regular and normal thing that he did every morning. The FBI has doubted however that Ed Jew has ever showered. Read more
Jun
25
Pass the Salt Cartoon
June 25, 2007 | Leave a Comment
