Jul
31
Property Values Surge in Homeless Camps
July 31, 2007 | Leave a Comment
“I plan on flipping this puppy and move to Russian Hill.” Homeless man Sal Kirby said
by Fritz
San Francisco- Homeless Camps value skyrocketed Monday in city parks everywhere as a rush of homeless are scooping up what remaining. Some camps in Golden Gate Park costing up to double the amount leaving realtors and brokers alike wondering what this could mean for the market. Read more
Jul
30
“I just didn’t hear it.” Lance Huffman said.
by Fritz
San Francisco- Lance Huffman from Nob Hill was reported to have slept right through his alarm this morning causing a shock wave of concern throughout the apartment building as well as making him late to work.
“I thought he was dead!” Miss Mary Weatherbee from the upstairs apartment said. “That’s when I alerted Read more
Jul
27
Local Woman Giving Into “Cat Lady” Status
July 27, 2007 | Leave a Comment
“She got the talent for it.” Robert (The Nerd) Burnbaum said
by Fritz
San Francisco- Neighbors in the Outer Sunset district reported Thursday that Edith Yam has increased her status to “Cat Lady” as she has now over 7 cats purring around the house and yard. This new status moving up from “Cookie Lady” that the kids had dubbed her a year prior for her afternoon cookie giveaways. Read more
Jul
25
Contributed to Crooked Street Press by Sam Goldsmith
San Francisco- A calm has finally settled over the inner Richmond district after a
truly chaotic afternoon. The barricades are down and the crowds have
thinned.
In what many consider the most unnatural of phenomenea, there are
a flood of questions regarding the sudden disappearance of retired
appliance salesman and long-time San Franciscan, Buddy Katz. There’s
no denying the gravity of what may very well be the first recorded
incident of a man devoured by his own sandwich. Read more
Jul
24
by Dan Wheeler
San Francisco — In an unexpected decision by Northern District Court Judge Bruce Oswold, San Francisco City Council will come under the control of Marin Day Care Center. The decision came after the latest bout of hair pulling and name-calling between Supervisor Chris Daly and Bevan Dufty. Mr. Dufty’s parents were so angry at the abuse of their son that they went to federal court for protection. Read more
Jul
23
Local Man’s Attempt To Cry a River Failed
July 23, 2007 | Leave a Comment
“He gave it a good run, but as always he came up short.” Clyde Duff said.
by Fritz
San Francisco- Clyde Duff (29) and Joe Stevenson (30) reportedly got
into a bit of scuffle on Sunday with each other over the mysterious
late word change to one of Stevenson’s words in what supposed to have
been a friendly game of Scrabble. The word in question had been put
down by Stevenson earlier in the game but later it had been pointed
out by Duff that he had missed the triple word score by coming up
short by two letters. Stevenson, by friends and families Read more
Jul
19
Local Man Opens E-mail and Has No New Messages
July 19, 2007 | Leave a Comment
“Well I guess I know where I stand.” Robert Smith said
by Fritz
San Francisco- Robert Smith from Nob Hill opened his e-mail Wednesday and found that he had no new messages in his inbox. Witnesses say that Smith was fairly devastated by the news and didn’t take it very well. They said that Smith resorted to sorting through old spam e-mails left in the junk folder and sorting them by subject matter. Read more
Jul
17
Neibaum San Francisco Mayor Campaign Off to Rocky Start
July 17, 2007 | 1 Comment
“I really didn’t want it to start this way.” Mason V. Neibaum, Mayor Candidate
by Fritz
San Francisco- On the wake of a disastrous launch interview with Crooked Street Press reporter Chip Burns, Mason V. Neibaum (the “V” stands for Victory) has dug a huge hole.
Monday Neibaum was on the Chip Burns Show as a way to announce to San Francisco that he would be running for mayor against the very popular Mayor Gavin Newsom. During the interview Burns asked some tough questions as he is known to do of which Neibaum was ill prepared. Shortly after Neibaum sat down, Burns was already asking him about his alcoholic past and if that was the worst thing that was discussed Neibaum would still Read more
Jul
13
Man Makes Millions from Nigerian Scam
July 13, 2007 | 1 Comment
Contributed to Crooked Street Press by Dave Lindley
CSP: Good Afternoon Mr. Lark.
RL: Greetings poor person! (Laughs abruptly) I’m just teasing. Read more
Jul
12
Estate Attorney With Tourettes Learning to Adjust
July 12, 2007 | Leave a Comment
“I call it well-timed-word-enhancment…F&#@ SH** B*^%#!” -George Henry Estate Planner
by Fritz
San Francisco- Estate Planner George Henry came down with a severe case of tourette syndrome about 9 months ago strangely enough while he was in front of a judge in a court room. Henry says that the last nine months has been hard on himself and loved ones around him “especially the people that make me mad F&#@ SH** B*^%#!” Where it has been especially tough is on the job as an estate planner to families Read more
