Jul
11
Bucket of Chicken Wings Kills Two
July 11, 2007 | 3 Comments
Witness say that it was a suicide.
“The last words I heard him say was that he just wanted one more.” Lucy Chang Buffalo Wings waitress
by Fritz
San Francisco- In an effort to find the ultimate chicken wing Sammy Golds and Morty Wallace chose to watch the Major League Baseball All-Star game at a local greasy spoon called the Buffalo Wing Express. Golds and Wallace died later that night due to an explosion. Read more
Jul
8
By Dan Wheeler
San Francisco- San Francisco’s former city employees are excited about their former employer’s newest plan to ensure the city leads the nation in lavish benefits for former employees.
The free car giveaway idea came out of budget discussions at City Hall. Analysis of the city’s health care benefit plan concluded that the city has an unfunded liability of $4,900,000,000, the largest of any city in California, including the vastly larger city of Los Angeles. (San Francisco promises to pay its former employees health care benefits for life if they worked at least 5 years for the city.) Read more
Jul
7
Local Woman Says the Telephone Call Was Not a Date
July 7, 2007 | 1 Comment
by Fritz
San Francisco- Local Woman Kara Hoffman, 34, insisted that the call made to her by Jared O’Neil, a AT&T salesman, was not a date and that she is not interested in pursuing anything more with him.
Friday Hoffman got a call from a tele marketer, Jared O’Neil, 23, and she was reported to have been very polite to O’Neil and insisted that she was not ready for a upgrade on her high speed Read more
Jul
6
SF Chinatown to Move to Burlingame in Protest
July 6, 2007 | Leave a Comment
“We’ve had it up to here.” Lance Foo said putting his hand up to his neck at 4’-2”
by Fritz
San Francisco- Supervisor Ed Jew did not get quite the response he was looking for Thursday after turning in papers saying that the investigation into questions regarding where he lives has been racist against Asians. Chinatown announced Thursday that it was going to move down the peninsula to Burlingame to join Jew and his family in the fight against racism. Read more
Jul
4
by Fritz
San Francisco- The homosexual community Wednesday complained of a raging headache as they are still hung over from the Gay Pride Parade celebrated two weeks earlier. Community centers are issuing out free coffee and Advil as very tired and unshowered partygoers line up around the block for relief. Some people are disappointed that people are spending our nations birthday in bed. Read more
Jul
2
“I asked him, “Isn’t the mountain that way?”" -Fritz
by Fritz
Mount Shasta- Self proclaimed tour guide, Dan Wheeler, from San Francisco seemed aloof Friday when local man and hero Fritz had to remind Wheeler of the actual direction to get to Mount Shasta where the four climbers were vacationing. Read more
Jun
27
Oakland City Council to Stop Using Plastic
June 27, 2007 | Leave a Comment
“Paper or Paper?” Brett Price a bagger from Buy and Spend Grocery store
by Fritz
Oakland- Tuesday a Oakland City Council committee voted to pass a measure that would ban plastic bags from retailers and grocery stores. This measure was sponsored by Councilwomen Nancy Nadel and Jean Quan who had copied San Francisco in an attempt to be “cool.”
The ban, once voted in, will force retailers that do more than $1 million Read more
Jun
26
Garlic Fries Incriminate Local Man
June 26, 2007 | Leave a Comment
San Francisco Intolerance Crackdown Snares the Innocent
Contributed to Crooked Street Press by Michael Breen
It all began after local journalist Ned Sanbourne had just finished his second helping of Garlic Fries at a Sunday’s Giants game. “My face just grew contorted,” said Ned. “And I happened to be looking in the direction of some dude. I guess he was the one that filed the charges.” Read more
Jun
25
That’s the Ticket
June 25, 2007 | Leave a Comment
Contributed to Crooked Street Press by Sam Goldsmith
In an attempt to recapture the popularity of it’s Bering Sea
adventure, “Deadliest Catch”, the Discovery Channel has set it’s
sights on another knee rattling occupation. With truckloads of camera
gear and cables arriving this week in San Francisco, the new show
promises to be every bit as engaging. Read more
Jun
24
City Lights Bookstore To Be Opened After 40 Years
June 24, 2007 | Leave a Comment
By Ned Sanbourne
San Francisco — Long time San Francisco residents, aging hippies and flower children are excited about the unsealing of San Francisco’s most famous time capsule, City Lights Bookstore and Publishers. Sealed intact in 1967 with wax figurines of founder Lawrence Ferlinghetti Read more
