Jun
11
Muni Bus Driver Arrested
June 11, 2007 | Leave a Comment
“This guy went nuts!”
by Fritz
San Francisco- Muni bus driver Herb Graves was arrested early Monday morning after causing “a scene” that led to verbal abuse and later some physical abuse toward another Muni bus driver.
The San Francisco Police Department received several cell phone calls from the Montgomery Muni station where a verbal confrontation had started regarding the tardiness of the T-3 Line. Witnesses say that Graves, who drives the 22 line for Muni and has been with Muni for 15 years, was complaining loudly in the T-3 Line train about how slow they were running and complaining that he was late for work. Several times the T-3 operator Charles Supan had gone over the intercom to tell his fellow driver to “cool his jets” and refrain from disturbing other passengers.
The first outcry by Graves started around the Civic Center Station where the T-3 Light Rail car stood idle for 6 minutes. Read more
Jun
6
Ed Jew Finds $10,000 in Couch Cushion
June 6, 2007 | Leave a Comment
“I should really clean my couch more often.” -Ed Jew
by Fritz
Sunset, San Francisco- Ed Jew was busy doing spring cleaning in his house in the Sunset Wednesday after the FBI trashed the place when he reportedly found $10,000 under one of his couch cushions. No word yet from authorities on if the money found was part of the $40,000 that Jew took from the Quickly chain store.
“I plan to give the money to a charity close to my heart.” Jew said at a press conference that he organized himself. “I’ll give it to….oh I don’t know….the Friends of Sunset Playground! Yeah that’s the ticket!”
Fay Mayberry, PR director for the Friends of Sunset Playground, made a statement late Wednesday to the press saying that she’s never heard of “Eddy” and that he should take his couch money and shove it. “Friends of Sunset Playground only takes serious donations Read more
Jun
2
Local Man Gets a Parking Ticket After Being Caught On New Google Street Views
June 2, 2007 | Leave a Comment
By Fritz
San Francisco- When Leonard Slowley checked his mail last Friday he found a parking
ticket from the San Francisco Department of Public Transportation. It was for parking in a white zone outside The Westin St. Francis hotel on
“I hated DPT before….now I hate Google.” Leonard yelled at us when Crooked Street Press approached him at his
“This is going to be a great tool for us.” Lt. Martha Wessley of the DPT said. “People finally will get caught parking in bus zones, next to fire hydrants, and even double parking. It’s going to be sweet!” Then she chuckled.
Google Street Views which was launched last Tuesday has already caught several criminals not just parking violations. It was reported that a woman was caught in
May
30
Benitez Demands Contract Extention Dispite Giving Up Game Winning Run.
May 30, 2007 | Leave a Comment
by Fritz
San Francisco- Armando Benitez demanded a contract extention from the San Francisco Giants top brass after Tuesday’s loss in bottom of the 12th inning against the New York Mets.
The Giants opened up a road trip in New York Tuesday where a pitching duel was on the big stage between hot San Francisco rookie Tim Lincecum vs. Oliver Perez. Although both pitcher pitched 7 innings, neither twirler got the win and it was left up to the bullpin. Yada yada yada… we go into the bottom of the 12th inning and the Giants are up by one. Benitez balks once to move Jose Reyes into scoring position and after a bunt he balks again to score the tying run. The next pitch Carlos Delgado hits a no doubt homerun over the right field wall to win the game.
The reporters and teammates alike were shocked when Benitez, after losing the game for the Giants, demanded a contract extention and a re-signing bonus. On top of the $46 million 1/2 season extention he demanded that on games where Read more
May
29
By Fritz
San Francisco is gripped with tough questions about why a mother humpback
whale known as Delta and a baby whale calf known as Dawn swam up the Sacramento-San Joaquin River Delta.
As crowds gather near the shores to see a glimpse of these huge whales,
researchers are clambering for answers.
“What’s in Sacramento?” South of Market resident Tiffany Popan, age 26,
asked. “Is that where whales mate?”
“How could this happen?” Clyde Fasano from the Castro neighborhood
asked. “What kind of world are we living in where whales just swim
where ever the hell they want?”
Researcher and Whale expert Jim Thornburg from the San Francisco State
University Liberal Art Department gave a quick response when asked.
“Well I’m no expert but I guess this is the whales way of calling
attention to the mindless hunting of Humpback Whales for their fur.”
Crooked Street soon ended that interview as he was a complete waste of
time.
Scientist and Whale enthusiast Kim Thompson from City College had this to
say. “Whales swimming up the Read more
May
21
By Dan Wheeler
Ed Whittaker, a member of the San Francisco First Reformed Presbyterian Church, faces increasing criticism over the “Bring a Brother to Church Day” program he launched three weeks ago. We spoke to Ed, a thirty-something IT department manager for a local law firm, as he earnestly handed out flyers promoting the program on the church steps. Ed looked every bit the tech geek in his khakis, the calculator watch and the large key ring dangling from his belt. All geek that is except for the jarringly out of place T-shirt with the red, green and yellow colors of the Ethiopian / Rastafarian flag. “I don’t know why everyone is so opposed to my diversity initiative” he said. “We have exactly two brothers attending our church out of about 900 members, which is embarrassing. I don’t see anyone else out there trying to brown up this crowd.” Among other things, the flyers urged church members to “invite the Negroid peeps”.
Rev. Fred Hubbell, the senior pastor of First Reformed, is quite upset about the situation. “I tried to explain to Ed that our evangelism efforts have to be sensitive and avoid negative connotations. Now I have to explain over and over again that I do not call African Americans “brother” unless they are my brother in Christ of course. Then I have to explain why I don’t like the program but want black people in our church. I got a call from the Daughters of Thunder demanding to know why we aren’t inviting black women to church. I’m darned if I support the program and darned if I don’t, pardon my language. Honestly, who says “negroid”? Its totally inappropriate.“ Read more
May
20
by Fritz
Zack Billingsby, age 35, from Diamond Heights has spent the last couple days leading up to today promoting his own race to compete against the very popular Bay to Breakers. He calls it the “Billingsby 1.5 Mile Spectacular.” The race starts from the beginning of Caesar Chavez Blvd and 3rd Street and runs up Clipper Street and Church Street to the base of the hill of Twin Peaks. When asked why his race doesn’t continue up the hill on Clipper Street Zack responded, “Shoot, I’m not running up that hill! I’ll kill myself.”
The Billingsby 1.5 Mile Spectacular kicked off its annual race competeing with the Bay to Breakers which started at 8 am this morning. The Bay to Breakers is a 7.46 mile run where people of all ages and costumes put on their running shoes and run from the Read more
