Jul
7
Local Woman Says the Telephone Call Was Not a Date
July 7, 2007 | 1 Comment
by Fritz
San Francisco- Local Woman Kara Hoffman, 34, insisted that the call made to her by Jared O’Neil, a AT&T salesman, was not a date and that she is not interested in pursuing anything more with him.
Friday Hoffman got a call from a tele marketer, Jared O’Neil, 23, and she was reported to have been very polite to O’Neil and insisted that she was not ready for a upgrade on her high speed Read more
Jul
6
“I’m just glad that he was not polluting the earth while he was speeding.” Willow Spring Gaia-Terra, Spiritual Lead or the Church of Global Warming
by Fritz
San Diego- Albert Gore III was pulled over by California Highway Patrol for going over 100 mph in his Prius. After searching his “Green Machine” police found a small pharmacy of drugs including marijuana at which point they arrested the young Gore. Read more
Jul
6
SF Chinatown to Move to Burlingame in Protest
July 6, 2007 | Leave a Comment
“We’ve had it up to here.” Lance Foo said putting his hand up to his neck at 4’-2”
by Fritz
San Francisco- Supervisor Ed Jew did not get quite the response he was looking for Thursday after turning in papers saying that the investigation into questions regarding where he lives has been racist against Asians. Chinatown announced Thursday that it was going to move down the peninsula to Burlingame to join Jew and his family in the fight against racism. Read more
Jul
5
Cheney Library May Want to Hide Here
July 5, 2007 | 1 Comment
Contributed by Crooked Street Press Intern Sam Goldsmith
San Francisco- In what may be the most surprising revelation to come out of the
secret files of the Cheney/Bush White House, word has surfaced that
San Francisco may be home to the Richard Bruce “Dick” Cheney Vice
Presidenial Library.
As one would expect, the Vice President’s office and the
White House denies the very possibility, of what would be the very
first Vice Presidential Library. Read more
Jul
4
by Fritz
San Francisco- The homosexual community Wednesday complained of a raging headache as they are still hung over from the Gay Pride Parade celebrated two weeks earlier. Community centers are issuing out free coffee and Advil as very tired and unshowered partygoers line up around the block for relief. Some people are disappointed that people are spending our nations birthday in bed. Read more
Jul
4
Ed Jew’s Lawyers Say That Jew Had a Doctors Note
July 4, 2007 | Leave a Comment
by Fritz
San Francisco- San Francisco Supervisor Ed Jew’s lawyers Tuesday surprised the world and maybe the universe when they handed in a 138 page doctors note to Attorney General Jerry Brown explaining why he did not have to live in his father’s house on 28th Ave during and after the elections as the San Francisco Law Makers Rule Book says. Read more
Jul
3
“Dear Abby” Seeks Advice About Her Carpal Tunnel
July 3, 2007 | Leave a Comment
by Fritz
Hollywood- The famous syndicated advice columnist Dear Abby sought out Dr. Phil about her carpal tunnel saying that it’s been hard for her to work given the pain.
Overweight struggling wives everywhere have been lost without Dear Abby and has caused a shortage in ice cream in some super markets and piles of laundry to overflow all across the world. The world watched Monday night hoping Dr. Phil could Read more
Jul
2
“I asked him, “Isn’t the mountain that way?”" -Fritz
by Fritz
Mount Shasta- Self proclaimed tour guide, Dan Wheeler, from San Francisco seemed aloof Friday when local man and hero Fritz had to remind Wheeler of the actual direction to get to Mount Shasta where the four climbers were vacationing. Read more
Jul
1
Band “Bell Biv DeVoe” Still not Popular
July 1, 2007 | Leave a Comment
By Dave Lindley
Crooked Street Press recently decided to write a human interest story on the early 90’s hip hop band “Bel Biv DeVoe.” The primary problem with this writer had in researching this band was an eerie lack of human interest. Michael Biv (aka ‘Biv’) agreed to an interview, via e-mail. Read more
Jun
30
Federal Judge Puts a Cap On Prison Population
June 30, 2007 | 1 Comment
“I say send them to Australia!” -Judge Carl Jenkins
by Fritz
Sacramento- A small group of federal judges got together Thursday to discuss long range plans to put a cap on the prison population ordering the migration of thousands of prisoners to be shipped over to Australia. Read more
