Jun
29
Don’t Look Now iPhone! You Got Competition
June 29, 2007 | Leave a Comment
“I think people will buy it cause it has a sexy joystick.” -Wanda Sams Atari spokeswoman
by Fritz
Cupertino- Many will say that the launch of Atari’s new cell phone is a little bit mistimed since Atari plans on beginning the sale of its new cell phone called “Porta-phone” on the exact same day as Apple’s iPhone is scheduled to launch. But Wanda Sams says that Atari stands by its decision and think’s that it will be able to compete. Read more
Jun
28
Contributed By Kurt Schumacher
San Francisco- Recent rumors of a schism within the Church Of Global Warming,
between the “Pro-Human” and “Humans are the Root of all Evil and Must
Voluntary Die” camps, have been downplayed by church leaders. But
there have been rumblings of some kind of disturbance within the
group. This reporter smelled a story and contacted the church Read more
Jun
27
Oakland City Council to Stop Using Plastic
June 27, 2007 | Leave a Comment
“Paper or Paper?” Brett Price a bagger from Buy and Spend Grocery store
by Fritz
Oakland- Tuesday a Oakland City Council committee voted to pass a measure that would ban plastic bags from retailers and grocery stores. This measure was sponsored by Councilwomen Nancy Nadel and Jean Quan who had copied San Francisco in an attempt to be “cool.”
The ban, once voted in, will force retailers that do more than $1 million Read more
Jun
27
Editorial
Fans of the Bay Area’s most popular literary publication can rest easy. From Mr. Wheeler at the very highest levels of management down to the lowly cartoon staff, Crooked Street Management can confirm that we are not considering a $2,400,000,000 buyout offer from Rupert Murdoch’s News Corp. That would be an offer of about $100,000,000 per Read more
Jun
26
Garlic Fries Incriminate Local Man
June 26, 2007 | Leave a Comment
San Francisco Intolerance Crackdown Snares the Innocent
Contributed to Crooked Street Press by Michael Breen
It all began after local journalist Ned Sanbourne had just finished his second helping of Garlic Fries at a Sunday’s Giants game. “My face just grew contorted,” said Ned. “And I happened to be looking in the direction of some dude. I guess he was the one that filed the charges.” Read more
Jun
26
Ed Jew Doesn’t Show the Press His Flower Shop Shower Due to Soap Scum
June 26, 2007 | Leave a Comment
“The cleaning crew has been out sick.” Ed Jew
by Fritz
San Francisco- Ed Jew canceled the press conference that was to be held in his bath tub at his Chinatown flower shop Friday due to soap scum.
After promising to the media that everyone was welcome to have a tour and ask questions while he showered at what he told the FBI and the district attorney’s office was a regular and normal thing that he did every morning. The FBI has doubted however that Ed Jew has ever showered. Read more
Jun
25
That’s the Ticket
June 25, 2007 | Leave a Comment
Contributed to Crooked Street Press by Sam Goldsmith
In an attempt to recapture the popularity of it’s Bering Sea
adventure, “Deadliest Catch”, the Discovery Channel has set it’s
sights on another knee rattling occupation. With truckloads of camera
gear and cables arriving this week in San Francisco, the new show
promises to be every bit as engaging. Read more
Jun
25
NEWS FLASH! Daly Can’t Keep Secrets
June 25, 2007 | Leave a Comment
“He said he promised.” Eric Jaye Newsoms campaign manager
by Fritz Staff Writer
San Francisco- Campaign manager for Gavin Newsom Eric Jaye was overheard at a press conference that Supervisor Chris Daly had promised several months ago that he would not tell anyone about Newsoms cocaine usage especially to Newsoms parents. Read more
Jun
24
City Lights Bookstore To Be Opened After 40 Years
June 24, 2007 | Leave a Comment
By Ned Sanbourne
San Francisco — Long time San Francisco residents, aging hippies and flower children are excited about the unsealing of San Francisco’s most famous time capsule, City Lights Bookstore and Publishers. Sealed intact in 1967 with wax figurines of founder Lawrence Ferlinghetti Read more
Jun
24
Giants Win First Game of the Season…
June 24, 2007 | Leave a Comment
San Francisco- Or so it would seem. The San Francisco Giants won in dramatic fashion this afternoon against a expansion team New York Yankees snapping a 8 game losing streak making the Giants 1-8 out of the last 9 games. Read more
