Jul
24
by Dan Wheeler
San Francisco — In an unexpected decision by Northern District Court Judge Bruce Oswold, San Francisco City Council will come under the control of Marin Day Care Center. The decision came after the latest bout of hair pulling and name-calling between Supervisor Chris Daly and Bevan Dufty. Mr. Dufty’s parents were so angry at the abuse of their son that they went to federal court for protection. Read more
Jul
17
Neibaum San Francisco Mayor Campaign Off to Rocky Start
July 17, 2007 | 1 Comment
“I really didn’t want it to start this way.” Mason V. Neibaum, Mayor Candidate
by Fritz
San Francisco- On the wake of a disastrous launch interview with Crooked Street Press reporter Chip Burns, Mason V. Neibaum (the “V” stands for Victory) has dug a huge hole.
Monday Neibaum was on the Chip Burns Show as a way to announce to San Francisco that he would be running for mayor against the very popular Mayor Gavin Newsom. During the interview Burns asked some tough questions as he is known to do of which Neibaum was ill prepared. Shortly after Neibaum sat down, Burns was already asking him about his alcoholic past and if that was the worst thing that was discussed Neibaum would still Read more
Jul
9
Tuna Fish Sandwich Is Running for Mayor
July 9, 2007 | 1 Comment
by Fritz
San Francisco- As this city just passed a No Intolerant Looks Law San Francisco will be practicing what it preaches as another fringe candidate has entered the fray against popular Mayor Gavin Newsom. Announcing early Monday from a cellophane wrapping at the Safeway Read more
Jul
6
SF Chinatown to Move to Burlingame in Protest
July 6, 2007 | Leave a Comment
“We’ve had it up to here.” Lance Foo said putting his hand up to his neck at 4’-2”
by Fritz
San Francisco- Supervisor Ed Jew did not get quite the response he was looking for Thursday after turning in papers saying that the investigation into questions regarding where he lives has been racist against Asians. Chinatown announced Thursday that it was going to move down the peninsula to Burlingame to join Jew and his family in the fight against racism. Read more
Jul
5
Cheney Library May Want to Hide Here
July 5, 2007 | 1 Comment
Contributed by Crooked Street Press Intern Sam Goldsmith
San Francisco- In what may be the most surprising revelation to come out of the
secret files of the Cheney/Bush White House, word has surfaced that
San Francisco may be home to the Richard Bruce “Dick” Cheney Vice
Presidenial Library.
As one would expect, the Vice President’s office and the
White House denies the very possibility, of what would be the very
first Vice Presidential Library. Read more
Jul
4
Ed Jew’s Lawyers Say That Jew Had a Doctors Note
July 4, 2007 | Leave a Comment
by Fritz
San Francisco- San Francisco Supervisor Ed Jew’s lawyers Tuesday surprised the world and maybe the universe when they handed in a 138 page doctors note to Attorney General Jerry Brown explaining why he did not have to live in his father’s house on 28th Ave during and after the elections as the San Francisco Law Makers Rule Book says. Read more
Jun
30
Federal Judge Puts a Cap On Prison Population
June 30, 2007 | 1 Comment
“I say send them to Australia!” -Judge Carl Jenkins
by Fritz
Sacramento- A small group of federal judges got together Thursday to discuss long range plans to put a cap on the prison population ordering the migration of thousands of prisoners to be shipped over to Australia. Read more
Jun
28
Contributed By Kurt Schumacher
San Francisco- Recent rumors of a schism within the Church Of Global Warming,
between the “Pro-Human” and “Humans are the Root of all Evil and Must
Voluntary Die” camps, have been downplayed by church leaders. But
there have been rumblings of some kind of disturbance within the
group. This reporter smelled a story and contacted the church Read more
Jun
27
Oakland City Council to Stop Using Plastic
June 27, 2007 | Leave a Comment
“Paper or Paper?” Brett Price a bagger from Buy and Spend Grocery store
by Fritz
Oakland- Tuesday a Oakland City Council committee voted to pass a measure that would ban plastic bags from retailers and grocery stores. This measure was sponsored by Councilwomen Nancy Nadel and Jean Quan who had copied San Francisco in an attempt to be “cool.”
The ban, once voted in, will force retailers that do more than $1 million Read more
Jun
26
Garlic Fries Incriminate Local Man
June 26, 2007 | Leave a Comment
San Francisco Intolerance Crackdown Snares the Innocent
Contributed to Crooked Street Press by Michael Breen
It all began after local journalist Ned Sanbourne had just finished his second helping of Garlic Fries at a Sunday’s Giants game. “My face just grew contorted,” said Ned. “And I happened to be looking in the direction of some dude. I guess he was the one that filed the charges.” Read more
