Crooked Street Press Not Considering Billion Dollar Buyout From Murdoch

June 27, 2007 | by Dan | 1 Comment

Editorial

Fans of the Bay Area’s most popular literary publication can rest easy. From Mr. Wheeler at the very highest levels of management down to the lowly cartoon staff, Crooked Street Management can confirm that we are not considering a $2,400,000,000 buyout offer from Rupert Murdoch’s News Corp. That would be an offer of about $100,000,000 per Crooked Street reader and we are not about sell out our dear friends for that price, at least not until we have a firm offer in hand.

The rumor started when our dear leader’s trusted personal assistant Gloria Sanchez overheard us say in a board meeting that “maybe we should order takeout.” She thought we said “buyout” and she logically concluded that Crooked Street was in play and that management change was on the way. She raced around the hallways shouting “we’re free, we’re free, thank God Almighty we’re free at last!”

While it is true we don’t pay the serfs very much, they certainly aren’t free. Take our so-called sales rep Jason Billings. The guy burns up precious time on the computer managing his fantasy baseball team when that bandwidth could be better spent on senior management multi-player online Halo. Plus, the “employee of the month” plaque that we hand out every month wasn’t free. Maybe your name isn’t actually on the plaque and maybe it gets handed to someone else next month, but at least you got to keep it on your desk for a month!

No, we work on this paper out of passion for our art, for the comraderie and teamwork here at the office and the bright burning hope that someday our readership will cross the 50 subscribers mark.

PS: Mr. Murdoch, please send all buyout offers only to me at chief1@crookedstreetpress.com. No need to bother the others.