Bay Area “Fritz” Humor Awards Show Draws Record Low Ratings

February 26, 2007 | by Dan | No Comments

By Dan Wheeler

Sunday night’s low budget “Fritz” humor awards gala drew an even smaller audience than its most pessimistic detractors predicted. The awards show had been hyped for months as the “thinking man’s alternative to the Oscars” by Fritz, the show’s lead promoter, producer and sole nominee for every award category. Media coverage was sparse, with my administrative assistant and me being the only members of the press in sight.

Gloria Sanchez and I had endured months of begging from Fritz. “You’ve got to come, please” Fritz would blubber. “I’ve never been nominated for an award before and it would mean so much to me.” We felt so sorry for him we couldn’t back out even when Fritz told us that the show would not be held as promised at the Great American Music Hall with Switchfoot providing musical entertainment. As it turned out, we were lucky to get a corner booth at the Royal Exchange bar. Fritz explained that he had trouble finding sponsors for an awards show that went head-to-head with the Oscars. “They kept asking how big my audience was and exactly which glamorous movie stars were attending” he whined. “Its like they didn’t care about encouraging humorists. I couldn’t even get a political party to get behind me.”

Like most awards shows, the Fritz awards were full of embarrassing displays of neediness and insecurity and long acceptance speeches. Fritz would talk about other people that desperately wanted a Fritz and then proudly award himself the “Most Handsomest Man Ever” Fritz, the “Best Funny Story Idea Taken from Wheeler” Fritz, the “Favorite Son” Fritz and a few other psychologically revealing awards. After each one, he would stop and call his mother and tell her how happy he was. Gloria and I could only stand it as long as the free drinks were coming, but those ran out long before the speeches did and the bartender forced the entire awards show to leave.