Lost Bush E-mails Recovered

June 21, 2007 | by Fritz | No Comments

contributed to Crooked Street Press by K.D. McCracken

Senate Judiciary Committee Chairman Patrick Leahy has been arguing for
weeks that the Bush camp has been hiding e-mails pertaining to the
firing of several attorney generals and pushing for a subpoena.

It turns out that the mysterious e-mails do appear to have been
deliberately misplaced by some of Bush’s top aides, however, it does
not appear as though the e-mails have anything to do with the firings.

Crooked Street has obtained intercepted e-mail transcripts between Bush
and some of his top aides. Below is a transcript of one of them. This is
part one in a series exploring the intercepted e-mails.

Aide: Sir, as you know, we’ve been running polls and collecting data
on your legacy development strategies.

Bush: That’s right. Mission accomplished?

Aide: Well we think we’re on our way. We want to put a spin on the
whole Katrina mess. We want to make sure history knows that it wasn’t
your fault and that your response time was impeccable.

Bush: Katrina, Katrina who? Now listen, I’ve been faithful to Laura. I
don’t want any Clintonesque rumors about my love life.

Aide: The hurricane sir. I’m sure nobody thinks women are sleeping
with you. Other than Laura I mean.

Bush: Damn right she’s sleeping with me. I’m her Texas sized lover, hehe.

Aide: Back to the Katrina situation…

Bush: Yeah, right! Why in tarnation didn’t anyone tell me about this?
When did this happen? I gotta call the National Guard asap.

Aide: Sir it’s been over two years ago…

Bush: What!!??

Aide: Remember Mr. President? We flew in the Air Force One Chopper?
Your hat blew off and got caught in the rotor blades and you wouldn’t
speak to me for a week? You threw a penny from the helicopter into the
gulf to see what would happen… Then we flew over the Astrodome to survey
the damage… Is any of this ringing a bell?

Bush: Well I remember the astrodome, but no one said anything about a
hurricane…

Aide: Remember the people on the roofs with the “Help Us” signs, the
guy running down the street with the shotgun?

Bush: Oh yeah, and the negros were waving at me! I remember! I thought
that was just part of the Mardi Grass party!

Aide: Sir, it’s Mardi Gras, the “s” is silent. Also, I have to caution
you, the term negro was considered offensive to African Americans after
the civil rights movements of the 60’s, and is generally considered to
be a racial slur.

Bush: Hehe, yikes! Could have been bad! Glad I know now. Gotta get rid
of those slurs. Gotta hunt ‘em down like animals. They can hide in the
caves, but we’ll smoke em out!

Aide: Right. Smoke out the racial slurs. Makes sense.

K.D. McCracken is a free-lance writer located in the Bay Area and has
special contacts with Bush I.T. specialists. All sources remain
confidential.