Gay Community Too Hung Over to Celebrate 4th of July

July 4, 2007 | by Fritz | No Comments

by Fritz

San Francisco- The homosexual community Wednesday complained of a raging headache as they are still hung over from the Gay Pride Parade celebrated two weeks earlier. Community centers are issuing out free coffee and Advil as very tired and unshowered partygoers line up around the block for relief. Some people are disappointed that people are spending our nations birthday in bed.

“My head hurts.” Guy Niche said while waiting in the Advil line. “I think it was the Jagar….”

“The Gay Pride Parade was our 4th of July.” Hiratio Manendez said. “I’m living in the now and what is the 4th of July? A war that took place like 500 years ago?” (Crooked Street Press fact checker Thomas Pax failed to correct Manendez on his historical error.)

Thousands of San Francisco citizens flooded the streets two weeks ago to celebrate what has become a major holiday for some in San Francisco and around the country but for others it is a distraction to what some feel is anti-american.

“Couldn’t they pick to have their parade in August?” Louis Tanner said. “There ain’t no holiday’s in August, pick on of them weekends to clog the city with a parade.”

“My great great great grandfather fought and died for this country’s birth and I’ll be damned if I see anybody not out celebrating it.” Will Campton said. (CSP fact checker Pax missed another one. As it turns out Campton’s great great great grandfather died in England in 1790 as a loyalist to the crown. His last days were spent running to and fro getting fresh rose water for the king to dip his fingers in to wash.)