Local Man has Hare Raising Answers to World Hunger

February 26, 2007 | by Sam G | No Comments

by Sam Goldsmith (intern writer)

The retired Pizza Hut franchise owner has converted his vacant parlor into a giant bunny hutch with an emphasis on “giant bunny”.

With the sudden success enjoyed by East German rabbit farmer, Karl Szmolinksy, who has been breeding mammoth rabbits called German Giant Greys for more than 30 years; Schmalz felt an American rabbit cwould soon find it’s place in the hasenfeffer market. The European bruisers weigh in at about 45 pounds and can feed a hungry family of eight…(with a side of potatoes). Schmaltz felt he could do better. And he did.

The Colma Bunnies are much larger and a more a cattle-like presence in the South San Francisco community. Without employing biological or in-humane ranching techniques the bunnies have for some reason grown to four times their German cousin’s size. They’re certainly the talk of the town.

“They just stop hopping around when they get to the size of a cocker spaniel,” says Schmalz’s wife and number one hutch-hand, Bitsie. ” It’s eat, eat, poop and eat”, she sayswith some obvious disgust. “We go through fifty pounds of carrots a week. Regular rabbit food is just too expensive.” It’s impossible not to be set back on your heels by the pungent smell eminating from the former pizza parlor.

“We discovered that the rabbits became difficult to ship when they get this big, and so we’ve more or less had to cater to small local organizations that enjoy a big bar b que. “I just know that there are a few parts of the world where they would love to have one of these big boys.” The obviously proud but exhausted man smiled , slapping the slow moving rear flank of a rabbit weighing in at what must at least be 150 lbs.

A twitch of the whiskers tells the bunny farmer that the affection is appreciated.

With a current herd of 40 rabbits, the Schmaltz enterprise is looking to expand more out of necessity than anything else. Six rabbits can lead to thirty in eight months. At their current rate of growth and breeding, room is getting tight and an abandoned pizza parlor may need to give way to an actual barn.

The local Kiwanis chapter has wanted a few for their petting zoo during the Easter fair, but they eventually put saddles on ‘em and replaced the shetland ponies that the kids said were too slow. Were it not for insurance issues, the Schmalzs could have put Shetlend ponies out to pasture but the floppy ears and soft fluffy tails are deceptively inviting. Children generally become reckless and try to nuzzle these monstrous varmints.

“It’s easy to forget that these guys could nibble my leg off, “admits Edger. “I remember not too long ago a friend of Bitsie’s came by to drop off a casserole bowl that she had borrowed and had brought along her Shitziu, Mr. Buckles. Well, the dog jumped over the counter and took after what was easily our smallest rabbit. The commotion was unbelievable and well, you can imagine what happened when Mr.Buckles ran into a few of the larger bunnies.”

“Rabbits are very territorial”, added Bitsie. “We still haven’t found Mr. Buckles.”

So the future looks promising for the Schmalzs and their growing herd. With alternative food sources jockeying for a place on the global menu, it helps to have some luck…and with rabbit’s feet this size…it’s only a matter of time before Colma Giant Bunnies become a dish served all around the world.