That’s the Ticket

June 25, 2007 | by Sam G | No Comments

Contributed to Crooked Street Press by Sam Goldsmith

In an attempt to recapture the popularity of it’s Bering Sea
adventure, “Deadliest Catch”, the Discovery Channel has set it’s
sights on another knee rattling occupation. With truckloads of camera
gear and cables arriving this week in San Francisco, the new show
promises to be every bit as engaging.

“May Stop Suddenly” will chronicle the riveting day to day
existence of San Francisco’s MTA. Municipal Transportation Agency
workers, or as they’re commonly known on the streets, Meter Maids.

“Don’t call us Meter Maids,” says the parking control officer
across our cafe table. Speaking on the condition of anonymity. “It’s
an image that even the women officers detest”. “I’m not surprised to
be part of this show. This is every bit as dangerous as crab fishing in
Alaska. Maybe not as cold, but it’s a thankless and terrifying.”

“What we noted was the rise in attacks”, says Discovery Channel
producer, Minsky Floush. “People were getting fed up with the tickets
and started to fight back in the only way they knew how.”

With their fists.

Last year 28 officers were assaulted while issuing parking tickets.
The results have been effective as the number of tickets issued
started to go down. The City knew they had a problem on their hands
and so they started to recruit a less vulnerable meter maids. Recent
new recruits all share some violent but non-convict able history.

“”The Deadliest Catch” was easy to film because we were confined
to a crab boat and a very small cast (per boat). For this show we
considered mounting a small camera on the officer’s helmets.
Unfortunately they tend to be a jittery bunch and the early film
tests made us all a bit sick. The cameras will be mounted to their
little cars and we’ll do our best to track the particularly
aggravating officers with steady cams. Certainly those guys and gals
who pair up with the tow trucks That’s where we expect to see some
real action.”

“I’ve had a woman take out one of my windows with her purse. It
was ten minutes past a two hour limited parking in a residential
area. I never saw it coming. She came out of a house with a crazed
look in her face. Veins coming out of her forehead. I tried to get my
vehicle secure, but her first whap was too much for the window. I ran
away and came back thirty minutes later with a squad car only to find
her and her car gone…and a decimated MTA vehicle. Thankfully I had
the presence of mind to escape with my ticket pad, so those tickets I
issued earlier that day were still going to go through. Unfortunately
I never caught her license and so she’s out there…and I admit I
sometimes think I see her…out there…double parked ,out there..in
my rear view mirror.”

The Discovery Channel is taking a gamble on “May Stop Suddenly”.
They realize that what made their fishing show exciting were the
happy go lucky transients that made up each ship’s crew. This time
their show will center on daily abuse given and taken by a group of
people who deserve it.

Ms Floush thinks it’s good television either way.

“Let’s face it, these are the people who can have a Denver Boot
slapped on your car. They’re driven by service and god knows what
else, and as much as they’re universally despised, you’re going to
want to see how they handle some truly difficult parking issues.
We’ll laugh with them, cry with them, and also come to terms with the
possibility that they’re going ticket that one car too many.

Not everyone is excited to see the show come to San Francisco’s
mean streets. Local Citizens Advocate, Willy Calyspo says the added
exposure will provoke more ticket writing. “These are people who are
afraid to say what they do for a living at family events. What makes
you think they won’t want to validate their existence by writing up a
storm?”

“That’s ridiculous”, says our easily agitated officer. “The
meter has expired or it hasn’t. It’s not like we’re creating the
violations.” His face becomes a stony glare and he recites almost
without thought: “I’m just doing my job and the meter had expired.
There’s nothing I can do about it.” Only the twitching of his lips
and eyes give away the fear that accompanies these words.

Good fishing, Discovery Channel and bring plenty of quarters.