New San Francisco Schools Superintendent Proposes Eliminating Students

June 20, 2007 | by Dan | No Comments

By Dan Wheeler

Carlos “the Broom” Garcia, San Francisco’s newly-hired schools superintendent, is excited about his innovative strategy to once and for all fix the city’s troubled school system. “I don’t know why no one thought of this before” he exclaimed in an interview at his Pacific Heights home. “If we assign students to schools based on race and we order the white and Asian kids to be bused across town to the poor minority schools, the rich parents are going to put their kids in private school. Eliminating the rich kids is going to save the district a ton of money. I intend to speak my mind and sweep this city squeaky clean of students who should be paying their own way and not leaching a free education from the city.”

“The Broom” Garcia is known for letting the races know their place. In July of 2000, shortly after he took his previous job with the Clark County, Nevada school district, he addressed a group of black students and told them “Niggers come in all colors, and a nigger is someone who doesn’t respect themselves or any others.” (This quote is not a spoof or made up; it is a matter of public record.) San Francisco city council liked “The Mouth” on “The Broom” and recruited him for the top schools job here.

The cost savings from Garcia’s student elimination plan will go straight to Garcia’s pocket, which is only fair. He will receive a base salary of $255,000, a signing bonus of $30,000, an annual car allowance of $8,000, and an annual housing allowance of $30,000, for a grand total of $323,000 a year. (Again, this is true; we can’t spoof something this ridiculous.) Schoolteachers in San Francisco will be happy to know they on average earn about 1/6th of what their boss makes, a guy who has never taught school in his life. But, hey slaves were once only 1/6th a person and things picked up for them after a few hundred years.

Garcia is proud of the 2007 BMW 7-series sedan he was able to lease with his car allowance. “Kids can see that it isn’t just gang bangers and rappers who make it big. The real money is in government work. Keep changing jobs every two or three years and keep your eye on the next job. These children are my future.”