NEWS FLASH! Daly Can’t Keep Secrets

June 25, 2007 | by Fritz | No Comments

“He said he promised.” Eric Jaye Newsoms campaign manager

by Fritz Staff Writer

San Francisco- Campaign manager for Gavin Newsom Eric Jaye was overheard at a press conference that Supervisor Chris Daly had promised several months ago that he would not tell anyone about Newsoms cocaine usage especially to Newsoms parents.

Crooked Street Press went on to overhear that Newsom had approached with a secret and asked Daly not to tattle on him about his drug use or how the vase broke in the living room. Daly agreed to keep it a secret. Newsom pressured Daly by making him “promise promise” and which Daly agreed. Newsom went on further demanding that Daly was to cross his heart and hope to die that he would not tell anyone. Daly agreed.

Several months later Daly announced to the world that the San Francisco mayor had used cocaine and that the vase in the living room had not broken by Jimmy Toms, the wheel chaired handicapped kid next door, as originally claimed. Newsom was shocked and cried out “you crossed your heart and everything,” then broke down and started crying running out of the room.

“Listen he kept that secret for a very long time.” Daly’s camp said. “Nobody keeps secrets longer than Daly.”

“Poor Jimmy.” Newsom’s mother said. “I really let that handicapped kid have it when I thought he broke the vase.”

Crooked Street Press caught up with Jimmy who was now in two wheelchairs because of the injuries sustained from Newsom’s mom. “Luff aff thphh afulohffphph.” It was hard to understand him with all the gauze in his mouth from the beating.

Daly of course has taken quite a bit of flack from the public since he spilled the beans on the what has come to be known as the “Mayor Gavin Newsom Uses Cocaine and Broke a Vase and Put the Hit on Jimmy Scandal” otherwise known as G.N.U.C.B.V.P.H.J.S. for short. People have started chanting “Liar liar pants on fire” when he walks by in the hallways at City Hall. People have stopped talking around him at the water cooler about who slept with who in the City Hall janitors closet. Daly has not been invited to a single birthday party since last week when the news broke.