Federal Judge Puts a Cap On Prison Population

June 30, 2007 | by Fritz | 1 Comment

“I say send them to Australia!” -Judge Carl Jenkins

by Fritz

Sacramento- A small group of federal judges got together Thursday to discuss long range plans to put a cap on the prison population ordering the migration of thousands of prisoners to be shipped over to Australia.

Though this plan has not made it to paper yet and has only been mentioned as a joke, here at Crooked Street Press we take every joke seriously which means its a fact. California is known to some states in America as having the largest population of prisoners. Some of the reasons for the big population is that crimes are being committed and people are being convicted for those crimes which leads to criminals being locked up in prisons. But the prisons are filling up and becoming overcrowded. Many of the recent convictions are due to the “intolerant look law” that has become in vogue in recent years especially in the Bay Area.

“There I was just eating my garlic fries and the WHAM!” Ned Sanbourne ex-journalist for Crooked Street Press said from his jail cell. “I get slapped with a charge of an intolerant look and next thing you know I’m playing Lever-2000 tag with the boys from cell block C.”

Sanbourne is one of many prisoners that would be shipped to “Prisoner Island,” (or Australia for short) if federal judge Carl Jenkins and judge Morty Goldburg have their way. Jenkins and Goldburg are proposing that California put a cap on the prison population and to do so shipping the remainder to Australia. Already their “joke” has turned into some heated debate over prisoners rights and Australian immigration policy.

“Why should prisoners have rights?” Goldburg said. “They can’t vote….so screw ‘em.”

“Prisoners need to be incarcerated domestically. America should not ship our prisoners off to a foreign land like we do with our jobs.” Julia Turnbow a human rights activist and cat lover. “Maybe if we didn’t build these prison cells so small we could fit more of them in there. Who is the architect of these prisons anyway?”**

Crooked Street Press interrupted a game of Lever 2000 tag to poll several prisoners about their feelings on possibly being shipped over to Australia to finish out their sentence. Out of a group of 7 prisoners polled only 1 of them knew what we were talking about. Hard evidence that we have serious over population problem.

**Hewey Johnson of Hewey Arichitects & More built most of the prisons in California