Ed Jew Doesn’t Show the Press His Flower Shop Shower Due to Soap Scum

June 26, 2007 | by Fritz | No Comments

“The cleaning crew has been out sick.” Ed Jew
by Fritz

San Francisco- Ed Jew canceled the press conference that was to be held in his bath tub at his Chinatown flower shop Friday due to soap scum.

After promising to the media that everyone was welcome to have a tour and ask questions while he showered at what he told the FBI and the district attorney’s office was a regular and normal thing that he did every morning. The FBI has doubted however that Ed Jew has ever showered.

“I think the strongest evidence of him not showering is the smell.” Ned Turklton FBI agent said.

“Have you smelled the guy?” Tom Buck FBI agent. “Yuck…he smells like tuna and sweat rolled up in chives.”

Allegations of Ed Jew not showering came about when the water company noticed that he was not paying any money every month at his 28th street residence. A shower investigation was opened up and the FBI was brought in. Ed Jew claimed that he had been showering at his flower shop at Waverly Place. He provided photos and a bag of hair from the drain as proof.

“Ah there’s nothing in the shop but a hose and a bucket.” Old Man Cho a resident above the flower shop said. “If he’s showering in there I’ll give you the hair on my back and the mole on my butt.” We slowly slinked away and vowed to never return to that old man.

Jew may have canceled our walk through of his shower but with info red cameras and little microphones we were able to capture images of what we thought was Jew showering in his flower shop. Upon a follow up investigation we found that it was in fact not Ed Jew at all but another old man as we were facing the wrong way.