Stanford Tries Radical New Stadium Design

June 6, 2007 | by Fritz | No Comments

Zero fans means zero hassles and that cuts down on the bottom dollar.
by Fritz

stadium drawing Stanford– The 115-year old Cal-Stanford Football game has been apart of sports for at least the last 100 years. Now that is all going to change. Due to a radical new stadium design for the Stanford Stadium fans will no longer be able to go and watch the game.

Architect Hewey Johnson from Hewey Architects & More has come up with a jaw dropping design for the new Standford Stadium. The renovation will not only cost $90 million to do, but will cut out the audience seating completely.

“My idea was to cut out all the noise and the crowds and make the field more handicap accessible.” Hewey said. “What happens at football games where you have thousands of people? They drink and and eat and leave garbage all over the place. Well people have to pick all the garbage up. I’m simply helping the littering problem. “

Assistant athletic director Marty Tinker had this to say. “I’m not sure why we picked this design. I think the committee was clearly drunk or asleep when this brain fart came up for discussion.”

The new park will just be an open area of grass with the traditional football field markers and two goal posts. There will be no lockers but just a stretch of out houses set aside for the football players to dress. The press box will be a couple levels of scaffolding on the 50-yard mark. Fans are welcome to go to and fro as they please as no tickets will be necessary at the design.

Fans of course are not happy about this discussion to cut them out. A organized riot was demonstrated outside the stadium where construction work had begun. Johnson was spotted by some rioters who took aim at him with their hate and shouting. Much to the fans dismay work still continued.

“Hey an idea like this, I get paid up front.” Johnson said in response to the rioters threats. “Why stop now?”

“Yeah. Again, I don’t know why we paid him up front.” Tinker said shaking his head and hiding his face behind his hands. “My head is going to roll because of this.”

Cal fans are equally angry at this change. As many as 30,000 fans a year would go to this “Big Game” and now they will be shut out as well. Monday as many as 300 people took to the streets to march in protest of this stadium alteration but in the middle of the march it turned into a “I HATE BUSH” march.

Advertisers are probably the biggest loser because of this latest design. Before they were used to having 80,000+ people looking at their beer and cable internet ads for four hours. Now all of the signs will be recycled into the sign graveyard Monster Park. Some advertisers are threatening to bring a law suit against the Stanford. Standford brass was not available for comment because they were either drunk or sleeping when Crooked Street called them.