Struggle for Control Shakes Corporate Boardroom

November 22, 2006 | by Dan | No Comments

Special Report by Ned Sanbourne.
Highly-placed sources say that a massive struggle for control shook the boardroom of Crooked Street Press(CSP) headquarters yesterday morning. Office staffers confided that shortly after the 10:45 a.m. Krispy Krème donut delivery to the boardroom where directors and Co-Managing Editors Daniel Wheeler and Fritz were having their early morning pre-production Monday meeting, the sounds of shouting and pounding could be heard.
Interviews with CSP staffers allow a partial reconstruction of the morning’s events. Gloria Sanchez, administrative assistant to Director Wheeler, confirmed that the day had started as usual and that there were no warning signs of the impending conflict. “I was here at 8:00 a.m. as usual, working on the day’s editorials,” Sanchez related. “The directors arrived on schedule for what they call their “early morning” production meeting, which is, just between you and me, a sad joke. Those guys are always talking about the big off-site meeting they were just in, but its all a big cover up to hide the fact that they sleep in and make us do all the work. Plus, I think that they are playing video games in the “board room” because I can hear the sounds through the door. They yell at each other a lot, but not like this morning, moma mia!”
One of the paper’s sales associates, Jason Billings was also eager to provide background. Apparently, despite strict orders to the contrary, Susan Chan, the new office intern, had delivered a “baker’s dozen” instead of the specified 12 donuts to the directors’ production meeting. “I know how sensitive food issues are at this company, at least around one of the directors, so I can see that the extra donut may have raised some issues,” stated Billings. Jason confided that “sales have been a bit slow, what with the staff’s preoccupation with personnel issues and people around here are really focused on the food component of compensation.”
Director Fritz was not available for comment, but Wheeler was only too happy to provide his perspective. “I can confirm my deep disappointment with behavior occurring in the board room” stated Wheeler. “There was enough extra dipping glaze and crème filling for everyone, at least until someone who I will not name started grabbing everything and spilled half of it. We both realized at the same moment that there was an extra donut, but instead of discussing like a responsible executive, or at least a semi-mature adult, Director Fritz made a desperate lunge for it. Our staff really look up to us and his behavior is completely inappropriate for senior management.”
Sanchez and Billings both confirmed that the donut box was torn, the crème filling cartridge had been knocked into a corner and the extra dipping glaze was splattered “like blood in a mafia hit scene.”