Low Temperature Warning for San Francisco

January 14, 2007 | by Fritz | No Comments

Low temperatures struck San Francisco last week which drove city officals to issue a warning to city dwellers to “keep warm.”Temperatures dipped to mid 40’s last week leaving some San Franciscians to wonder if they will be able to survive. “It’s a new ice age out there!” Kip Horsz yelled into the telephone upon answering our call which was misdialed. We had ment to dial the mayors office but we put a “7″ instead of a “5″ but Kip answered and kept us on the line for a half hour. He went on to say that he has already sold his shares in his company stock to buy 24 turtle necks for the Gap which he beleives will be the fashion statement of the next “ice age”.

We eventually did catch up with the Mayor’s Office who told us they raised the the Weather Warning to a level Colbolt Blue one color higher than the Seaweed Green and that we were at the week prior. “The National Guard is at full alert,” a spokeswoman of the Mayor’s Office said, “and will be deployed as nessessary to prevent any rioting at the Gap.”

Govenor Schwarzenegger declared the Bay Area a Natural Disaster area after seeing reports of the low temperatures, but later undeclared it after he found out he was looking at a picture book of Alaska. “I figured it out when I saw the mountains.” The Govenor admitted.

The San Francisco weather center reported today that last weeks cold weather was a cause of chilly conditions developing over the Bay Area. “Ninty percent of all the people that are outdoors are 75% percent more likely to be cold than 97% percent of the people that stay indoors.” Dr. Bringham Blat of the SF Weather Center stated. “I can say with 100% certainty that the cold weather is here to stay and we will all have to adapt or we will die.”

Today the Weather Warning is back to Seaweed Green and Dr. Blat reported that today will be partly cloudy with a low of 65°.